HOW TO SURVIVE THIRD YEAR OF MEDICAL SCHOOL

After what seemed like the longest hiatus, I am back, this time equipped with the knowledge about how to survive third year of medical school. Surviving second year was like surviving the apocalypse, so the tiny subjects of third year were a welcome change to me.

Third year for us in India has only three subjects- ENT, Ophthalmology and community medicine. When I was buying my ridiculously overpriced textbooks, I noticed ENT and ophthalmology were really tiny books. So right there in the book store I did a happy dance because I was so tired of reading Robbins which weighed more than I do.
So picture this, I, a stressed out, maniacal, fresh out of second year student, enter into the vast nothingness and freedom of third year. I went mental with happiness because all I wanted was to rest and while my time doing nothing. And I ended up studying one years worth of medicine in 1 month which is a terrible idea. But if I could pull it off, so can you.

So with experience, I have drafted a list of how one can survive third year which is seemingly benign but actually really really scary.

1. First clinical posting of third year- Eat a lot and get buff. If you’re skinny and frail, God be with you.
It was in the chest hospital I think. Chest hospital sounds weird I know, but it’s just a hospital to treat the 2180747815 new cases of TB we see everyday. And as per my general suckish bad luck, the chief of the hospital was crazy and the opposite of a hypochondriac. He would examine a child visibly coughing out green sputum, never would he mind a bit about getting sputum all over him, and would expect us to do the same. He never would even let us wear masks, because he said and I quote “I never got TB and I’ve worked here for 25 years. You won’t get it too”
So of course I wailed like a baby when we were made to examine the MDR TB cases sans masks
Doctor language decoded : MDR stands for Multi Drug Resistant TB which is essentially terrible and imagine being frightened day in and day out that you’re going to get it and die of it before you even graduate.

2. Don’t worry about the other postings like dentistry (highly unnecessary for med students I think) , psychiatry etc.
You won’t care, nor will the professors, nor will the patients.

3. Do you feel like you just got hit by a truck ? They were actually your semester exams, which are even worse.
You are expected to write a full 5 pages about fungal corneal ulcer and otitis media without attending a single day of hospital teaching.
Calm down, hook yourself to an IV line because you’re going to be throwing up with the stress of studying the anatomy (again) of the ear and nose and eyeball which is all very confusing.
Relax, nobody knows what aqueous humor or lamina papyracea means.
If the question is corneal ulcer, write c-o-r-n-e-a and a-n-t-i-b-i-o-t-i-c-s in big, decorative font and you will be through.
Same goes for otitis media. Except now you only write m-i-d-d-l-e e-a-r in fancy lettering.
You’re welcome. *drops mic*

4. NOW you have your first ENT clinical rotation. Have you already seen the surgery for deviated nasal septum 500 times? No problem. Watch it being done 7209 times more in one week.
Do you know the steps of cataract surgery by heart? Still gotta watch the surgery being done until you slip into a coma. It’s a slow torture.

5. Now what? Community medicine ? Haha you thought it was only vaccines?
Think again honey. Here’s a list of the myriad fascinating and also utterly nonsensical things I learnt in Community medicine.
~ How to build a sanitary well
~ How to disinfect said well with bleaching powder
~ The anatomy of a flush toilet
~ Criteria for group discussion
~ Treatment of sewage
So every answer looks like this “In the community……. vaccination…… sanitation….. prevention….. community medicine”
Mind blown.

6. Just when you were regretting not studying the whole year, you are faced with practical examination where you are supposed to
a) Identify all the instruments used in surgeries
b) Read an Xray that looks like a child drew on it with a white crayon
c) Answer 500 questions in a rapid fire round : you vs your professor

This was me and my professor in the face-off. Hope you can learn from my experience.
Professor : What’s this instrument *holds up a shiny steel scissors like thing*
Me : *overly confident* Medium artery forceps.
Professor : (unfazed) what is quinsy?
Me : (slightly nervous) ulcer.. haha.. of the.. haha… tonsil?
Professor : (now establishing dominance) Read this X-Ray in less than a minute.
Me : Sinus. Maybe *looks at smudged writing on hand* this is an X-Ray of…. I think… Um… *Gulp*
Me : Has a stroke and dies.
Professor : Me 2- You 0

7. This is how to handle the community medicine viva if you ever survive the massive stroke during ENT and Ophthalmology exams.
‘How do you manage an epidemic of cholera’
~ Community diagnosis
‘How do you treat malaria’
~ *cough* Community diagnosis
‘What is your name’
~ Haha this is an easy one. Definitely community diagnosis

May the odds be ever in your favour, my third year children.